Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   today I saw a duck with a garbage bad around its neck, but instead of helping him, I sang the theme song for dark wing duck.

   has decided instead of skinny dipping she'll go chunky dunking.

   advises; never pass a bathroom, never waste a woody and never, ever trust a fart.

   Its says "omg Cholesterol" on my Box of Honey Nut Cheerios... is that bad???

   tonights "Built Ford Tough" Player of the Game

   preparing to defend himself with the STRENGTH of a grizzly, the REFLEXES of a puma, and the WISDOM of a man!

   Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to

   I suggest FB replace the "Like" button with "OMAHA!!"

   My D + Your V = Good Times

   Any of my DIY friends need a "Stud Finder"?? Nothing wrong with it, just every time I pick it up to use it... the damn thing goes crazy!!!

   Site owner must be Christian, he don't like words even remotely close to bad.

   Super Bowl....wtf is that? I only speak soccer and champions league

   kya chutiyapanti chal rahi hai is site pe..

   Obama got pulled over today and they asked him for his birth certificate and school transcript

   I asked my friend how his date went, insisted I sniff his fingers... worse part is , he's gay...

   The 100% American is 99% idiot.

   Who want's to Indian Leg Wrestle?

   Does Cheese say 'People!' when taking a picture?

   Have you ever notice that Frances' police car sirens sound like gay guys have a threesome xD

   When a girl stomach hurts it is always blamed on 1 of 2 "P" words by everyone... Period, Pregnant.. <--words do hurt :(