Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   believe it, first Kiss is MORE memorable than losing virginity...

   not always a big fan of the story God is using us to tell.... but has to admit He isn't afraid to kill off major characters.

   when people say "f°°k this s°°t" is that really a command?

   I want a reinvented baby time machine...where can I buy one?

   sending cards to random people today saying "I'm going to f*** you so bad"...They're not going to know if I'm horny of mafia type!

   Even if you try and slip it in, they still know it's coming

   if the storage wars guyz priced hoarders stuff....well...helloooo mr rockefeller..cha ching

   I only need to learn that one yoga pose where I can tweet from a public bathroom without bare skin touching anything.

   I ate all my girl scout cookies : ( , roughly the weight of two girl scouts.......

   since mens undershirts are called wife beaters, women should call their brasseirs nut crackers

   I can see the newest Jimmy Johns commercial now. Dale Jr. having a sandwich delivered while standing on the track waiting to go back racing.

   Hungry or Horny? Either way, satisfy your appetite!

   "A cook to spoon me, a crossing guard to hold my hand and a big girl to eat the food off my plate as well as hers", Lyrics so far to my hit single, "Wife Hunting"... still single

   status by rating needs a month or week time limit selection

   Friday Night. I've missed you. You've been coy and bashful all week long. So you abide by the "lady in the street but a freak in the bed" motto. Oh... I see we see eye to eye. I'll be waiting for you when the sun does down.

   Nothing better then waking up with the woman YOU love. :) - Me, waking up with the woman YOU love......

   i ran into friends at the bar last night, but they understood because I was drunk

   Time travel ..0ne hr back in time tonight..i wonder how different every thing will be.

   You can take that tone of "here comes the shocking part" out of your voice. I've already guessed the ending.

   Want my opinion fine don't get mad when you hear what I say, if you want something sugar coated...eat a doughnut!!