Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How about instead of doing the 69, we just do the 68. It's where you do me... and I owe you one.

   Just thinking about how rediculously good looking I am.

   My Neighbors just bough me a new Seiko , I think they misunderstood me when they asked what I wanted for my birthday and I said I wanna watch

   I love you like white folks love the Kardashians.

   Time is like a stretched elastic band. You can't let it go or it'll come back and take your balls out.

   My wifi doesn't have a password because I have unlimited Internet so I don't give a s@#t.

   People who cheat on their taxes disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 23 dependents in.

   Jesus Christ is on Twitter with 159,933 followers & following None.. lol

   Just got back from town. There would be so much less clutter if only the business that were'nt hiring put up signs. . .

   Just once I want a doctor to ask if I’ve been eating enough potatoes

   Ok so English petrol price is £6.72 a gallon so in Dollars $10.97 and you lot are complaining about $4.00(£2.45)???

   If athletes wear 'JUST DO IT' shirts...do drug dealers wear 'JUST SELL IT' shirts?

   If you use two or more sugars in your coffee I’m pretty sure you don’t like coffee

   Can you and Jesus do us all a favour and go find a room.

   Its such a pity that the Bible/Koran is not IDIOT PROOF.

   out clubbing this weekend. I'm going to beat my record of 12 baby seals.

   just discovered kittens DO NOT have removable parts..(if you do detach portions of your kitten you MUST replace the WHOLE kitten)....

   Can Speak Japanese!! Wanna Hear?! TOYOTA!

   I just got a good deal on a hamster from a puppy mill...he's really cool, he doesn't even need a wheel because he has no feet...yeah I like to just move him around the cage every few hours :)

   knows it is a sure sign of Autumn, when the Tea Party Witch, Christine O'Donnell from Delaware, makes chowder in her cauldron.