Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So sick of all the time travel jokes next week.

   what does pink floyd and dale earnhart have in common? their last hit was the wall

   According to your logic, I guess 9/11 is fake news because CNN reported it.

   Religion is only for frighten children to obey old people.

   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

   I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned

   Look, I am fed up with the gays demanding and ordering what they want. You are sick People. You have an Illness that needs a cure. Stop badgering the Normal people because you feel you need to express your sickness.

   A CUTE GIRL SMILED AT ME AT THE GROCERY STORE I GOT HER LICENCE PLATE NUMBER I'LL LOOK IT UP LATER AND CALL HER

   Did you ever notice when you push old people down the stairs they scramble to grab the railings???

   Question -- Should we either Heil Trump or burn crosses wearing white sheets in honor of Trump? Looking for a fun Thursday night activity.

   White folks dance like they have an invisible hula hoop around their waist.

   My parents accused me of being a liar today! All I said was ''Santa Claus'' ''Easter Bunny'' '' Tooth Fairy'' and walked away. Shut them Up!!!

   Ladies: During sex, keep your heels on because when it's over he's kicking your a$$ right out.

   I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at WORK.!!!

   Wiping makeup off of your shoes after a long day of kicking sluts in the face.

   Here's two people with scoliosis attempting to have sex - ??

   I pulled into Dunkin Doughnuts drive thru and a women appeared at the window and asked, "may I take your order". Jedi Master am I.

   If we're going to check Mexicans for their citizenship, can we check Justin Bieber for his too?

   I whisper freaky things in my girls ear while she is sitting infront of the family................ And I must say, It turns her on lol

   Oh Jack Kevorkian... you're in heaven making Terri Schiavo laugh now.