Karen Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I question guys right in the middle of sex, like: 'Are you enjoying this? Have I been courteous & kind? Would you recommend me to a friend if we ever break up?'
←Rate | 10-27-2013 12:59 by Karen Comments (1)  


   messageicon I don't have buns but if your anaconda wants crippling daddy issues coupled with intense emotional damage I'm definitely your girl.
←Rate | 10-04-2014 14:09 by KAREN Comments (0)  


   messageicon A good girl with naughty thoughts is still a good girl right?
←Rate | 02-01-2014 14:34 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's no crying in Vodka
←Rate | 01-19-2014 09:34 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon After I have sex with a cucumber my walk of shame is to the kitchen to rinse it off and put it back in the fridge.
←Rate | 03-11-2016 13:34 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just got a text asking if I want to go to church on Sunday. I laughed so hard I choked on my vodka and shot my d ildo across the room.
←Rate | 01-19-2015 23:34 by KAREN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kisses are wet no matter which lips I use.
←Rate | 11-11-2013 01:11 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was gonna have sex with you until you said you follow Justin Bieber on twitter.
←Rate | 01-11-2014 00:49 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a feminist, but not like a "wants to pay my own bills" feminist.
←Rate | 11-16-2014 04:11 by KAREN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I worked like a man yesterday (So I'm whining like one today)
←Rate | 12-08-2014 08:16 by KAREN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Actually mom, I'm not writing tweets about handjobs anymore I'm into fisting now. Happy?
←Rate | 03-12-2016 05:14 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon My cat and I vomited together last night. I think I'm some kind of animal whisperer.
←Rate | 12-24-2013 10:59 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon But if I go out tonight, who is going to stick their finger in the cat's mouth and ruin his yawns?
←Rate | 04-26-2015 10:25 by KAREN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite yoga pose is "trying to take an ass selfie."
←Rate | 06-22-2014 12:16 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stepped right out in front of a smart car just now. I wasn't scared. A collision with my ass would destroy that thing.
←Rate | 12-22-2013 01:19 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon Put your pants back on; you're my accountant not my dentist
←Rate | 01-07-2014 12:58 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's play the unicorn game where I rub your magical horn until you shower me with glitter.
←Rate | 03-11-2016 13:28 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard and they’re like, hey who is your hot friend.
←Rate | 01-02-2014 09:57 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon My signature move is giving a guy a roofie after sex so he has to spend the night with me.
←Rate | 09-20-2014 12:51 by KAREN Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm a female so I guess my favourite hobby is being right.
←Rate | 09-16-2014 14:39 by KAREN Comments (0)  




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