Funny Status Messages

   laughing at "suggested" friends that he will never be friends with

   They should change the name from "Girls Gone Wild" to "Girls Got Drunk!!!"

   It may be surprising to know that hippos are the cause of more deaths in the wild than any other animal, but you can't say you weren't warned just how hungry they were.

   Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest of us just don't think it's a problem.

   You hate me? I didn't even know you existed.

   Go ahead, try and hang them with care and see if that holds. I'm hanging my stockings with tacks this year.

   I just let my mind wander, but it didn't come back yet.

   I truly hope that we will all be friends until we are all old and senile...Then we can be NEW friends!!

   Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.

   You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back

   now officaly talking to Himself but somehow I hear a busy signal in my ears. I wonder if I can get Call Waiting????? Wait.... maybe it's better I don't answer myself...

   Pineapple on pizza is as appealing as pepperoni on pineapple upside-down cake.

   Sir Roger Moore has died aged 89. His family are said to be shaken but not stirred.

   Pray for your enemies. Nothing annoys them more than that.

   Why do people share "Lost Dog" posts on FB? Most dogs aren't even on FB.

   let a blind guy borrow money tonight,he said he'll pay me back next time he see's me...wait a minute......

   I'm always the first one to say "I love you" in a gangbang.

   Why does lemonade contain artificial flavors but furniture polish contains real lemons?

   I know this is short notice, but does anyone have a bear costume I can borrow to scare the people camped outside Best Buy for Black Friday?

   I'll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn't go all the way.