Funny Status Messages
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As I walk through Walmart......all the sudden the election makes sense. 
But the Atlanta Falcons won the popular vote! How could this happen?!
#NOTMYSUPERBOWL
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
Today is International Women's Day, It was supposed to be yesterday, but they couldn't get everything ready on time.
I just got hit head on by a crazy women riding a menstrual cycle.
I just watched Discovery's "How It's Made" and, honestly, I'm never eating another urinal cake again.
Left and right wing extremists hate moderates with a passion. It's beyond their limited comprehension to grasp the plausibility in seeing a little truth in both sides.
Relationship status: woke up next to an empty pizza box
He’s a one eyed optometrist with a cauliflower addiction. She hunts babies for sport. But could a chance Christmas encounter mean a forever love blossoms. Find out this Saturday on The Hallmark Channel.
my wife saw onlyfans on our credit card statement so now I have to get her a ceiling fan for christmas
My son asked me where poo came from. I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest answer. He looked perplexed and stared at me for a minute then asked….and tigger?
Sure are a lot of gender reveals for their being no genders
the worst part about lockdown is thinking of all those Pokémon outside just waiting to be found
When the pandemic ends, don’t forget to update your Face ID so your phone can recognize you without that cheeto dust mustache.
Come on people now Smile on your brother Everybody get together Try to love one another Right now
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll keep you posted.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
I can't get a break. I bought a can of evaporated milk, opened it up...it was full.
So what caused GM to beg for a bailout 10 years ago. I am sure it wasnt bad management
Like this status if you're the type of person who likes to carry all your groceries into your house in one trip, but then realize at the front door you have so many bags in your hands you can't get the keys out of pocket. 