g0re Funny Status Messages

   Breaking a mirror is 7 years of bad luck? Well breaking a condom is 18.

   Statistics show that 1 in 20 of us live next door to a convicted pedophile. Not me though, I live next to two stunning 12 year olds.

   You know what a lot of words mean, it's just really hard to explain it

   The most annoying thing is when you get a pimple on your nose, like I would rather get a pimple any where else but...

   Erasers can be your best friend and be like "Oh hey, you need this erased? No problem, I got you." While other times, they can be like"OH HEY I THINK YOUR PAPER NEEDS A SMUDGE RIGHT HERE, LET ME TAKE CARE OF THAT FOR YOU".

   It's awkward when a sentence doesn't end the way you octopus.

   I don't understand why people are so amazed when I say that my grandfather survived Auschwitz. I mean, most German officers did.

   They should make haunted houses with genuine fears. For example: Eviction notices at every corner, very important final exams that you didn't study for, pictures of your parents naked, etc.

   If a zombie apocalypse ever happens, we all better hope people who can do parkour don't get infected.

   I am not really scared that the world will end on 12/21/2012...I"m just scared of what crazy things people will do on that day.

   One hour long text conversation = 5 minute face to face conversation.

   The guy who stands in the entrance of Walmart and says "Welcome to Walmart" must say it so many times, he probably wakes up at night yelling it.

   Friend 1: Guys my wife wants to have 3 kids cuz of the 3 musketeers. Friend 2: Well my wife wants to have 7 because of the 7 dwarfs. Me: Guys I gotta go... my wife was watching 101 dalmations..

   It's hard to understand why eating a banana would be considered even remotely sexual. Sure, it can represent a phallic object, but if a girl devouring your pen!s turns you on then you have some serious problems.

   It makes you worried for the future when you see all the insecure girls on Facebook posting their pictures as their statu$ and begging for likes.

   I think we need to be more concerned about dinosaur ghosts.

   If an old man stuffs you in a bag don't worry, I asked for you for Christmas. Oh he threw you in a van, not a sleigh? Yeah, you're screwed.

   TEACHER: what is the opposite of laughing? STUDENT: fu*king... TEACHER: why is that? STUDENT: well laughing is Ha Ha Ha and fu*king is Ah Ah Ah ....

   Alot of commercials nowadays are just knock offs of the Oldspice commercials with a very dramatic main character and a suprising plot twist at the end.

   In elementary, there always seemed to be that one kid who had to deepthroat the water fountain when getting a drink.