g0re Funny Status Messages

   Some people are born mature, and some need it thrust upon them. Tehehe... thrust.

   ou know you're lazy when you don't have any clean bowls so you eat cereal off a plate.

   When someone can't pick you up, it's easier to call them weak than to admit that you're fat.

   What's sad is that December 22, 2012 falls on a Saturday, so you can't go to school and say "Oh, I thought we were all going to die, so I didn't do my homework".

   It seems like medicine manufacturers have never tasted freaking fruit before. Funny, I don't remember cherries tasting like an a$$.

   Why don't blind people go skydiving? Because it scares the hell out of their dog.

   "Dont worry the spider is smaller than you" "So is a grenade"

   Got caught jerking off while sniffing my friends sister's panties yesterday.... Wouldn't have been so bad but she was still wearing them at the time. He went f*cking ballistic! Made the rest of her funeral very awkward for both of us.

   I'll be sober tomorrow but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life.

   Everytime you use the handicap stall you secretly hope no one in a wheelchair comes in.

   Everybody talks about my drinking but nobody talks about my thirst.

   I hate it when people belittle other people's problems just because they're not as bad as some. No matter the gravity, they're still problems, and people have a right to be sad.

   Ok, I get it. You want to talk to me! But that doesn't mean that you have to send me 4 texts 8 missed calls, a facebook chat, and a facebook message. I wil respond eventually to one simple text. Go buy some patience on E-bay.

   Girls: If a guy wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs, send him to KFC. You're a lady, not a cheap value meal.

   Think about it this way: Due to all of the successes Steve Jobs had, news of his death is spreading faster than it ever could have. That's what I call a life's accomplishment.

   Teens: being tired is one of your personality traits.

   Women are like stamps. We lick them and send them on their way.

   It seems that nowadays people just add random symbols or letters after a colon and call it an emoticon. Like really? What the hell does :H mean.

   My dad never loved me as a child, you can't really blame him though I wasn't born until he was an adult.

   Funny text messages to send! 1. Those innocent eyes, those kissable lips, that beautiful smile, that sexy voice.. anyway enough bout me, how are you;)?