g0re Funny Status Messages

   Brb = looking for an excuse to stop talking to you

   Sometimes it's fun to use unnecessary amounts of anger: "Peter can I have one of your chips?" "no" "DAMN IT PETER, I WILL SH!T ON YOUR GRAVE!!"

   Don't be selfish with your prayers.

   It's the strangest feeling when you come out of the cinema when a film ends, because you were so sucked into the film that you forget all about real life.

   It's really annoying when people tell you to be yourself, just as you're about to turn into a lamp.

   Owls make good pets because they're always interested in your social life. You tell it "guess who I went to the movies with" and it always asks"who?"

   I used to play sports. Then I realised you can buy trophies.. Now I am good at everything.

   Damn, you look better than ever. LOL JK, you've been hittin up McDonalds lately, right?

   go into a crowded room, shout, "HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME?" whoever turns around and answers is a bad person.

   When someone posts pictures of a dance or something, you always look through them to see if you are in the background.

   the people who you babysit for, you should poke holes in all the condoms and ensure yourself at least five more years of babysitting money.

   Hello? Mother Nature? Yes I would like to cancel my monthly subscription...Ah, I can't do that before 40 years are up? No I would not like to transfer to the 9 month plan....

   If whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, then the life of someone who lives there must become a void once they leave town.

   "Let's go all the way tonight, no regrets, just love." sounds a lot better than "let's do it tonight, don't even think about how this will affect our lives later, just sex"

   Just saw a baby that was wearing a shirt that said, "not everything stays in Vegas"

   Alright, buddy, stop scrolling, its time to wipe that as$

   umm can I have a coke?” “is pepsi ok?” “I dont know is monopoly money ok?”

   "I wasnt that drunk.." ... "bro you threw my parrot into a wall screaming "ANGRY BIRDS! " @___@

   When you can't find the remote, all trust is gone. Me: "Have you seen the remote?" Sis: "No??" Me: "Stand the f*ck up!!"

   I can just imagine a conversation between Mike Jones and an owl...