MDS Funny Status Messages

   I just received a letter from my crush on Valentine's Day. Well, technically it's a restraining order, but still....

   Just saw a guy getting mugged. I was going to help him out, but he was wearing Crocs.

   National no bra day wasn't as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.

   If you heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend, who heard it from another, then that information might of come from the same person that was in that REO Speedwagon song.

   The French have announced they've sent a peace keeping force to Ukraine. They've managed to secure the city of Chernobyl without any resistance.

   My brother in-law just called with some terrible news.. He tasted a bag of white powder he found in his son's backpack and his worst fears were realized... Gymnastic chalk.

   It's safe to assume that more pubes are shaved on February 13th than any other day of the year

   12 miles on the treadmill in 68 minutes! ..... tomorrow, I might actually get on it.

   It's the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!

   Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its only 30% full? ...Well that's how guys feel about push-up bras

   This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.

   "This is all your fault!" my wife moaned this morning. "What the hell have I done now?" I asked her. "Give me a chance to think," she said, "I've just woke up."

   ...I'm begining to think my Amish friend isn't going to text me.

   My wife stepped out of the shower and said "I shaved down there, you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the damned drain is clogged again."

   Happy Single's Discrimination Day #NotMyValentinesDay

   It's safe to assume that more pubes are shaved on February 13th than any other day of the year.

   I helped a little old lady with a new 60 in. TV cross the road this afternoon. The guy in the car next to me even joined in as we honked our horns repeatedly.

   It's a well known fact... buying cheap toilet-paper can lead to a self violation.

   I'm not saying she's bipolar, but for nearly two hours I thought her mood ring was a strobe light.

   I find it weird that we still use animals for product testing when there are at least 37 million Bieber fans out there.