Funny Status Messages

   Anyone else think Charlie Sheen snorted the fine line between recreational use and addiction?

   I swear when LeBron James was born and the doctor spanked him he got the foul called

   I'm like a cold-cut of amazing sandwiched between two pieces of awesome! Charlie Sheen 2011

   Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

   prostitutes have the best job! They SELL their body.... and then they get to keep it!

   Some people were dropped as children..But YOU my friend were clearly thrown at a wall!

   Advice for the Day: Relationships are like farting, if you push too hard, things could get messy real fast

   Love is patience. Love is kind. Love is making me lose my mind.

   Heard its pretty hard to get a medical marijuana card, I'll be right back, I'm gonna go jump off my roof!

   God Created the Universe,everything else is 'Made In China'

   Happy Cinco de drinko, Viva la tequila!!

   Mother's day is a great time to let her know you're gay. P.S. She knows.

   I just bought a trophy at a garage sale. I would like to thank my friends and family, the community of hastings minnesota, and my dentist. I couldn't have done it without you. RJ

   SARCASM- Because beating the crap out of people up is an offence.

   Awesome idea for a new reality show. Amanda Knox and Cassey Anthony locked in a house together. We get to see who makes it out alive.

   Women don't trust Men, not because they cheat but because they know how scandalous and shady other Women are!

   If I had it to do all over again, I'd do it all over you.

   I Typed in search box on Google : "What do woman want?". Google Replied : "We are also searching..."

   The name brand bologna was on sale and actually cheaper than the store brand today but I still bought the store brand because I don't want my family getting used to such luxuries...

   People who put the toilet paper roll facing in are the worst human beings.