Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment. If you're attrative it's flirting.
←Rate | 07-15-2018 04:47 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon "You tube's How to use a fire extinguisher shouldn't have a advert before it.
←Rate | 07-17-2018 23:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. I'll even remove your duct tape.
←Rate | 07-27-2018 12:18 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you go in the ocean to pee, go in past your waist.
←Rate | 08-09-2018 00:19 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.....
←Rate | 08-18-2018 18:37 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not asking questions for that friend anymore. Too embarrassing.
←Rate | 08-23-2018 15:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today's Tip: Look at each failure as a deposit made into the account that will help you write the check for your next significant success.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever been to Medieval Times? I like Medieval Times, but if they wanted to have a real medieval experience, they would knock out half your teeth and give you food that would give you dysentery.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What to do when your partner is snoring? Simply push them off the bed with your feet and shout, “Did you feel that earthquake” when they fall to the floor.
←Rate | 09-13-2018 01:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Uranus, a town in Missouri has a news paper call The Uranus Examiner
←Rate | 09-25-2018 16:33 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon look on the bright side...Bill Cosby is gonna get a lot of Jell-o
←Rate | 09-26-2018 08:38 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you get a friend request from me...I have not been hacked, maybe I am just lonely and trying to be your friend a 2nd time.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 21:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adulting fail #86: Turned on the wrong burner and have been cooking nothing for the last 20 minutes.
←Rate | 10-09-2018 06:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Ho ho oh my God I can’t stop giggling!” -Santa Claus, after eating cookies in homes across Canada
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend asked me when I last had s ex with someone that wasn't her. I said.... "back in '06". It sounds much better than "June"
←Rate | 07-20-2016 23:26 by jcow1den Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a totally hot MILF spank her child today at McDonalds after he threw his fries on the ground. So I threw my fries on the ground....!!!
←Rate | 07-29-2016 01:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Behind every boss there are employees wondering if going to prison for felony assault would really be all that bad...
←Rate | 08-02-2016 09:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grew up in the south so for me a fancy restaurant was a place that offered you the choice of biscuit or cornbread.
←Rate | 08-11-2016 05:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And when I die, this will all be yours...... *points to plastic bags filled with other plastic bags
←Rate | 08-17-2016 23:29 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm 100% convinced that for every sock that is lost in the dryer one comes back as an extra Tupperware lid
←Rate | 09-01-2016 01:32 by Kewlgreg Comments (0)  




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