Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 182 of 6449

The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment. If you're attrative it's flirting.
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07-15-2018 04:47 by Jake
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"You tube's How to use a fire extinguisher shouldn't have a advert before it.
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07-17-2018 23:28
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I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. I'll even remove your duct tape.

When you go in the ocean to pee, go in past your waist.
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08-09-2018 00:19 by Ha.ha
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If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.....
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08-18-2018 18:37 by BobbyT
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I'm not asking questions for that friend anymore. Too embarrassing.
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08-23-2018 15:07
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Today's Tip: Look at each failure as a deposit made into the account that will help you write the check for your next significant success.
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09-10-2018 06:51
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Have you ever been to Medieval Times? I like Medieval Times, but if they wanted to have a real medieval experience, they would knock out half your teeth and give you food that would give you dysentery.
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09-10-2018 06:59
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What to do when your partner is snoring? Simply push them off the bed with your feet and shout, “Did you feel that earthquake” when they fall to the floor.
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09-13-2018 01:06
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Uranus, a town in Missouri has a news paper call The Uranus Examiner
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09-25-2018 16:33 by Haha
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look on the bright side...Bill Cosby is gonna get a lot of Jell-o
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09-26-2018 08:38 by Eddy
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If you get a friend request from me...I have not been hacked, maybe I am just lonely and trying to be your friend a 2nd time.
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10-07-2018 21:06
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Adulting fail #86: Turned on the wrong burner and have been cooking nothing for the last 20 minutes.
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10-09-2018 06:49
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“Ho ho oh my God I can’t stop giggling!” -Santa Claus, after eating cookies in homes across Canada
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10-21-2018 06:35
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My girlfriend asked me when I last had s ex with someone that wasn't her. I said.... "back in '06". It sounds much better than "June"
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07-20-2016 23:26 by jcow1den
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I saw a totally hot MILF spank her child today at McDonalds after he threw his fries on the ground. So I threw my fries on the ground....!!!
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07-29-2016 01:11
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Behind every boss there are employees wondering if going to prison for felony assault would really be all that bad...
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08-02-2016 09:30
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Grew up in the south so for me a fancy restaurant was a place that offered you the choice of biscuit or cornbread.
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08-11-2016 05:46
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And when I die, this will all be yours...... *points to plastic bags filled with other plastic bags
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08-17-2016 23:29 by Snotty
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I'm 100% convinced that for every sock that is lost in the dryer one comes back as an extra Tupperware lid
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09-01-2016 01:32 by Kewlgreg
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