g0re Funny Status Messages

   Admit it, at least once you have sat in school and strategized about singlehandedly saving the class if a madman with a gun showed up.

   Fun fact: If you took the skin of an average person and laid it flat you would have enough to get a pretty serious criminal conviction.

   Women are like condoms; if they're not on your d!ck, they're in your wallet.

   I hate it when your watching the most important part of a movie, and some idiot walks in the room and asks stuff like "who is he" "what is going on" "did that car just explode". Seriously, just watch the movie or get out!!!

   There comes a time when you just look at yourself in the mirror, and say"f**k it, this is as good as it's gonna get.".

   My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy... So now I sit down to pee.

   How is LIL WAYNE, a man with a wife, ex-wife, 5 baby mommas, 3 boos, 2 hoes an a partridge in a pear tree, gonna tell me how to love.

   When you think about it, Hitler really wasn't such a bad guy. After all, he did kill Hitler.

   A smart person realizes how stupid everyone else is and gets depressed. A very smart person realizes how stupid everyone else is and gets rich.

   You usually don't care what other people are saying until they start whispering.

   It's kinda sad that 98% of the population can only correctly use a semicolon if they're trying to digitally wink at somebody.

   Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."

   The awkard moment when you realize Valentines day is approaching fast and the only one who loves you is your pet..

   Cool thing to do: Read the ingredients of something a friend is eating then stop midway and ask something like"What is Ar-se-nic? Did I say it right?".

   When Hermione's true love left her, she continued on to help Harry defeat the most powerful wizard of all time. When Bella's true love left her, she curled up in the fetal position for four months, cried, and jumped off a cliff..

   Belle: "My husband is a beast." Cinderella: "Mine still drives a pumpkin." Snow White: "My husband leaves me home with 7 little ones." Mermaid: "Mine wants me to use fishnet stockings." Sleeping Beauty: "I just pretend i'm asleep." Disney's Desperate Hous

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everybody remembers it except you..

   It's sucks when you roll out of bed and realize you forget to do everything you planned on doing the night before.

   Doctor: "I have some bad news and some good news." Patient: "Give me the good news first." Doctor: "They're going to name a disease after you."

   Since we start counting at one, zero is"countless." Therefore, I have slept with countless girls.