Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I read Marie Kondo's book about tidying up...now I'm getting a divorce

   I was yelled at by a Delta flight attendant for asking if I could change my seat away from a crying baby. Okay so the crying baby was mine.

   Remember on 'The Wire' when the drug dealers in Hamsterdam were like, "Got that pandemic!"? HBO should do a 'Where are they Now?' episode...

   If someone offers you cash from a van and tells you it’s your stimulus check, you can take it, but just know it’s not the type of stimulus check you think it is.

   People who make their cars come to a complete halt on top of a railroad tracks to look both ways to see if a train is coming need to stop!....I mean go!

   How can there be a Facebookers Anonymous group on Facebook?

   From 10 to 250 and RISING.

   almost annoyed by the fact that Pablo Escobar spent most of his life tucking in his shirt but he’s only remembered for selling drugs.

   Wonder why I'm such a night owl who who stays up all night?

   Ok guys Halloween is over take off your masks

   Time to lose a little weight from the holidays with my guaranteed to work weight loss program that's called "Log Out of Facebook"

   I got 352 likes Facebook post and somehow I feel I should get some sort of Facebook consolation prize, or something.

   The only change in my life is tha I'm consuming more food than before because nothings here to stop me

   I know I’m paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?

   I survived the polar vortex like some kind of post apocalyptic warrior.

   Digital world explained simply. Earlier -First thing in the morning - Toothpaste. Now -First thing in the morning - Copy Paste.

   Don't feel bad if no one talks to you on social media sites as all we could do is type.

   Yeah, I've always heard of it, and the young and old, but the fact is that we have to be awake for a few days ago by the end of the season.

   I've always been a night owl who likes to get up early. See my dilemma?

   Go jump in a lake! No I mean like literally, it's good to do on hot days like this.