Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Pretty sure Brazil has an enormous wax museum.

   Do you think they will have an end of the world sale?

   My wife wanted to try something different in bed last night. So we had sex.

   Wonder if Zuckererg lost his virginity last night

   You never fully realize how terrible your toothbrush is until you get a new one.

   IPO= Its Probaly Overpriced

   Everything seems to be louder, when you dont want anybody to wake up

   Thanks for reminding me to "have a safe trip". I was going to roll down a cliff and let the river float me to my destination.

   If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I'd quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes

   hey single people..tomorrow is officially 'rebound day' after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in 'epic fail:

   decaffienated redbull, theyre calling it sitting bull

   A relationship isn't determined by how many pictures you post on Facebook.

   I think I'm gonna like "The Lorax" because it's the only movie that I can say... "I already read the book"

   Dear IRS, Please cancel my subscription.

   Nobody ever wants to give BiPolar people credit for being really great half the time.

   I've got some Spring in my step for an energetic foot up your ass! ~ Happy First Day of Spring!

   Even that crack on the wall becomes more interesting when you're meant to be studying.

   I did 10 one arm push-ups this morning, I was trying to get up off of the floor without putting down my beer.

   Ironically, after their one hit,,, Chumbawumba got knocked down and never got back up again.

   Adele: "I set fire to the rain!" Spongebob: "That's nothing... I make campfires underwater."