Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Some people think of you as a ladder. Once they use you to reach the top, they throw you down.

   Life is just a long, sick game of "Would you rather."

   Penn State located in Happy Valley and they play football in Beaver Stadium....I so did not see this SEX Scandal coming.

   Pre Gaming for Thanksgiving, no food for the next 24 hours.

   Maybe thats why she didnt win American Idol

   Sometimes I look at my FB feed and think "If you spent less time b!tching about your life, you might actually enjoy it."

   Hey guys, girls can be funny too. Like when they say stuff like "Let's just be friends." or "Let me go and I won't tell the cops.”

   I would take a bullet for my wife, unless it was fired out of a gun.

   The biggest trick life plays on us, is the inability to fully appreciate something until it's gone. Except for broccoli.

   ‎- The term Friend is put about far too easy .... A friend to me is more about action then words !!!

   wondering what a conversation between Chewbaca & the teacher from "Peanuts" would be like? Who would interpret?

   you get what you pay for... Nothing proves this more than toilet paper and hookers

   Break up is like a broken mirror. It's better to leave it broken than hurting yourself trying to fix it.

   not remotely sober. Nor am I sober up close.

   Scientists have been investigating how snails know how to find their way home. WTF? It's on their backs.

   Aplogizing is like "whiteout". It covers the problem, but its still there.

   The people at Visa are going out of their way to give me credit. And for that, I'm deeply indebted

   on an important conference call. I guess I should be listening but my farms need tending dammit!

   STRESS:- The bodies natural physiological response to restraining oneself from strangling the living s#$t of someone who really deserves it. ahhhh gotta love my job!!! lol

   Have no fear of perfection–you'll never reach it.