Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 165 of 6453

   messageicon Joe looks like Nancy’s vagina.
←Rate | 04-11-2022 20:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mexican words of the day: Bishop and Lysol. “Would you please shut this Kamala Bishop, she Lysol the time.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We were so close, I never noticed I had been deleted as a friend.
←Rate | 01-20-2012 10:54 by Jerry Carter Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever win the lottery, I'd stay the same person I am today. My poor decisions, however, will become gloriously epic.
←Rate | 12-11-2013 05:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
←Rate | 02-15-2016 12:13 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon First Rule of Camping: Start building the tent before you start drinking....
←Rate | 04-02-2016 14:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Figured out why woman love serial killer documentaries so much. They’re about men who are dedicated, they have a plan, and are full of surprises.
←Rate | 01-24-2022 04:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hardest part of Hypochondriacs Anonymous is admitting you don't have a problem.
←Rate | 11-11-2020 13:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My great-grandfather fought in World War I and survived mustard gas and pepper spray. You might say he was a seasoned veteran.
←Rate | 12-11-2017 07:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gold Star Chili ~ The only place where you can ask for a 3 way and not get charged with sexual-harassment.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 17:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That one sounded like a un-oiled door opening slowly.
←Rate | 12-26-2017 19:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never tie your shoelaces in Paris.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 07:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just made me some synonym rolls. Just like grammar used to make.
←Rate | 01-31-2018 05:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.
←Rate | 04-28-2017 19:30 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't imagine a better slogan for an eyeglasses company than, "Buy your glasses here if you ever want to see your children again."
←Rate | 06-12-2017 07:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you've ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
←Rate | 08-03-2017 17:14 by scstarman Comments (0)  


   messageicon One day an iPhone is going to explode, and Android people are going to be like, “Samsung has had this feature for years”.
←Rate | 11-26-2016 03:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
←Rate | 03-06-2017 13:28 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm waiting for them to dump Col. Sanders. Last thing we need right is a fried chicken pitchman who looks like a southern plantation owner.
←Rate | 06-17-2020 20:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would like to announce my candidacy for mayor of Facebook.
←Rate | 08-04-2016 12:48 by gil Comments (0)  




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