Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think I've mastered the art of walking around the parking lot for an hour pretending not to be looking for my car

   Please don't mistake me asking you how you are doing for me wanting to know how you are doing.

   With all this talk of adding Puerto Rico as the 51st state, I feel like our new goal number should be 53 states. A prime number.... "One nation, indivisible..."

   200 mllion guns, 2 trillion rounds of ammo. If we were a problem, YOU WOULD KNOW.

   .... All Lives Matter ..... Well .... Except: terrorists, rapists, child molesters, cop killers & anybody who hates America. Screw those those people!

   All Trump has to do is legalize weed and all them protesters will be like,"he ain't that bad after all." :)

   Heck .... Joy Villa should at least receive a Best Dressed award at the Grammy's!!!

   If your election lasts more than 4 days you should consult a physician.

   The weather is going to be 99 and hazy today .. kind of like Bernie Sanders!

   I don't remember watching the MLK assassination on television. We didn't have colored TV.

   Dear young Americans, (age group 18-25) please continue to post pictures of you partying and drinking, (some of you underage). It will make it easier for a future employer to decide whether to hire you or not

   If Bruce Jenner can keep his weiner and be considered a woman, I can keep my guns and be considered unarmed.

   It has become crystal clear why he thinks Hun ter is the smartest person he knows.

   plans on dressing up as Kanye West for Halloween and just before the kids yell "Trick or Treat", jump out of the bushes and yell "Christmas is better".

   Its so cold, if you suck on an ice cube it gets bigger.

   Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.

   According to a new report,women who have had breast implants get spells of dizziness,blurred vision & slurred speech. This is because of the amount of alcohol bought for them.

   watched several people 'ducking' while running through the rain tonight ... does that really help?

   Whatever happend to Sex, Drugs , & Rock & Roll, Now we just have AIDS ,CRACK And Techno

   There are easier things in life than finding a good man... like nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.