Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   in a relationship with Jack Daniel's.

   busy Saving Humanity from the Evil Decepticons

   not interest in Greys Anatomy, thank you...

   dreams of the day a chicken can cross the road without having his motives questioned...

   blowing stuff up with his mind....

   being chased by a hungry pack of wild poodles!

   only shoplifting discount stores, because jail sentences are based on cost of goods stolen.

   One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri

   picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

   as much authority as the Pope, he just doesn't have as many people who believe it

   hosting a time travel seminar, the first meeting is last week.......

   To catch me, you gotta be fast; to find me, you gotta be smart; but to BE ME!! DAMN! You must be kidding!

   is a practicable way to derive an attitude of altitude & probity by which to abide or maybe a theophany of flaming creosote in disguise...

   ...I guess that sometimes it takes a dominatrix in your living room to make you sit there and think 'What the hell am I doing with my life?'...

   getting Jiggy with it!

   will return after a brief word from our sponsors

   optimusly Primed

   blaming it on the rain.

   Save a horse, ride the bus.

   "insert clever remark here."