Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   going to party like it's 2012.

   playing with a full deck.

   thinks we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with

   Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash

   Gay People Should Have The Same Rights as Straight People, I Think They Should Get Their Own Public Toilets AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

   63 notifications later..i regret "liking" your status

   Fun fact: if you leave a bag of lettuce in the fridge long enough, it will turn into brown soup.

   got to live every week like it's shark week.

   rated MA for a mature audience, he contains coarse language, some nudity and adult themes

   never playing truth or dare again...

   Never shave your legs when you have goosebumps. I'm just sayin'.

   : What's Klingon for "I'm going to die a virgin?"

   : Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat...

   hears the call of a lonely Crown Royal bottle. It's OK little buddy, I'll keep you company...

   the Dread Pirate Roberts.

   : Ahhh, fall is is the air... and on my lawn, and on my car, and on my driveway...

   I had an appointment at the sperm bank today, but I had to call up to say I couldn't come.

   lets play guess who I am? ok here we go, My arm itches, my neck itches, I'm shaking, and my lips are ashy. What am I?

   so lazy, she'll fight that little stone in her shoe till the end of the day

   so lazy, she'll fight that little stone in my shoe till the end of the day.