Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   gets a kick out of "bobble-head" Obama. Kinda moves his head in a figure eight like Stevie Wonder

   sometimes I feel like a fire hydrant staring at a pack of dogs.

   They say that if life throws you lemons, throw them back or make lemonade. But them b*stards never said anything about if life kicks you in the balls. Yeah, there's no recovery from that one!

   kissing a walrus is like going to the glory hole booth. It seems like fun until you feel the whiskers!

   man today is better than that day when I was in the 6th grade and I hired that stripper to come to show and tell!!!!

   There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity. Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh prove that time and time again.

   's faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings with a single bound.

   PANTS ON THE GROUND, PANTS ON THE GROUND! YOU'RE LOOKIN LIKE A FOOL WIT YOUR PANTS ON THE GROUND! PANTS ON THE GROUND! YOU'RE LOOKIN LIKE A FOOL WIT YOUR PANTS ON THE GROUND!......... Ya know, Simons right. I think it could be a hit.

   lookin' like a fool with his pants on the ground.

   mailing out 'blank inside' note cards to all the people that make me crazy...let them go crazy trying to figure out where it came from and what it should have said...

   Please put this on your status if you know someone who is an idiot. Idiots affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for stupidity, but we can raise awareness. 93% wont copy and paste this, mainly because they're too stupid to copy and paste

   If you are in a canoe flying over the grand canyon and a tire falls off how many pancakes does it take to fix a dog house orange elephants dont like ice cream

   the concept of the movie avatar to "USA, the Pandora and the Obtanium Ore" is the same to "USA, Iraq and the Oil".

   watching eclipse, ain't eclipse suppose to release 30 June 2010.... I must be lucky

   hates the seat warmers in the car it makes me feel like I peed my pants, wait I didn't turn on the seat warmers today, DAMMMITT!!

   If your dog fits in your purse, send it back, it's a rat in a dog suit.

   some advice for the youngsters on Facebook. You can do anything you want to do in life, unless Jay Leno wants to do it too

   thinks God will still love me if I don't annoy 15 of my friends with some stupid chain email.

   ..wishes she wasn't so mean to her dentist this morning. After all,dentists have fillings too..

   Cat talking sh!t, girls gone, so the dogs and I are clearing the Living Room so we can have single elimination cage matches, winner gets to hit that pu55y...eeerrrr, cat!