Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.

   hopes he made no one uncomfortable while staring at their stats...

   thinking that if ýou make someones day by posting a silly status and never denying that its someone elses ides, whats the harm?

   wondering why books on "How to make women happy" aren't displayed in the 'FICTION' section

   Would rather tell a thousand truths and draw a thousand tears, than a lie, and see a thousand forged smiles.

   ..met her ex at the gym. We didnt workout..

   ..is having car problems. The car won't start and the payments won't stop.

   The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.

   will never eat cheezies while watching porn again...

   I ring bells randomly so that the Angels getting their Wings will be taken by surprise. Sometimes I ring 10 bells at once and wonder how chaotic it must be!

   I Wud Rather Die |REAL| Than Live Something |FAKE|.

   if they put Your brain in a bird it would fly backwards

   Who wants to go to Antarctica to see Penguins......I am sure they will land up in Delhi this year in search of COLD!!!!

   It's been scientifically proven that chocolate contains a shrinking ingredient. It shrinks your clothing!

   having a great day! Life is terrifi........i just crapped myself

   failure, is not falling down; but remaining where you have fallen.

   Excuse me, have you seen motivation? I seem to have lost all of mine.

   Chuch Norris once round house kicked a guy in the head so fast that his foot travled back in time and hit Amelia airheart in the face causing her to crash, and that's why they never found her

   Alcohol your like my abusive boyfriend, no matter how bad you kick my ass, I always go back to you the next day:)

   Two weeks 'til Groundhog Day, got all my shopping done, dug my hole and laid out the pine cones, all that's left is to decorate my branch and set the traps (Woo-Hoo) !!