JOser Funny Status Messages

   Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

   If crime doesn't pay... Does that mean my job is a crime?

   I told you officer, I cut the a** out of the gorilla suit because they don't sell baboon costumes. No, I don't know who crapped on your car.

   Semi-colons don't get enough credit. They should be re-branded as super-commas...

   Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.

   I don't even know how to spell anymore. I type the 1st half of the word and wait for auto correct to do the rest.

   FYI: If someone says "I'm game," you can legally shoot them. You should probably check your state and local hunting regulations though...

   30 minutes? I want to hear that from the pizza. Put the pizza on the phone!

   I'm picturing you naked right now. Airbrushed, Photoshopped and digitally enhanced, but totally naked...

   Your dependence on oxygen is where our similarities end...

   loves nerds 2² ever...

   thinks movies are ruining books since 1920.

   I think video games ruined my life. Good thing I have two extra lives...

   thinks rock is dead. And paper killed it!

   not bitter. I'm just unsweetened...

   an organ donor (see inside for details)...

   will resist peer pressure. All the cool kids are doing it...

   was thrown out of a casino for misunderstanding the use of a crap table.

   all for the paperless office, but doesn't think it should stretch to the toilets...

   wondering why a “fat chance” and a “slim chance” mean the same thing.