Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Never think of yourself as worthless. Organs go for a lot of money on the black market.

   You can steal my status updates but you should know I lick every one of them before I post them.

   I think I'll open a Vietnamese restaurant that never closes and call it "Twenty Pho Seven."

   the American media now accountable to Putin? I wonder where Russia got the idea that they could make demands of the American media - perhaps from our very own president?

   Wonder if Hillary is feeling lonely now that nobody cares about her emails or how corrupt she is?

   Who is gonna clean the wall after it's built?

   Trump for some days has tried to please Isr aiel for rele gious motivations. And I'm not re ligious to give a...

   In hockey and in women.. periods temporarily stop the fun .

   Justin Bieber looks like he needs to be cast in a Home Alone movie.

   For those of you who don't have a significant other to spend Valentine's Day with, kindly resist the temptation to brag about it.

   Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons, but they forgot to mention Morons.

   Looks like 84 Lumber won't get hired to build the wall...

   Trump has been in power for over 2 weeks. Why am I not rolling in the dough?????

   My car's GPS allows you to change voices. I tried the one featuring Karen Carpenter. When I try to calculate my arrival time, the only answer she gives is, "We've only just begun."

   Just wondering if you put healing crystals in a sock and beat someone with it do they cancel each other out?

   Now I know where the YouTube commenters hang out when they're waiting for the new Nickelback video debut.

   Don't blame me, I voted for Calvin Coolidge.

   These people don't even know what a "Temporary" refugee means. Temporary, Temporary, Temporary. Say it with me.

   White Americans killing off other Americans is a psychological issue, not an ideological one.

   I like sleeping because it is kind of like being dead but without the commitment.