Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Every single morning I get hit by the same bike. It's a vicious cycle...

   The weather forecast: Snow possible, anywhere from 0 to 145 inches. Maybe. Could start at 5,6,7,8,9 O'clock. Maybe today or maybe not. Possibly none.

   I don't always get blocked on social media. But when I do, it's usually a good indication I was right and they couldn't handle it.

   I run every day for 20 minutes. If I miss a day I add 20 minutes to the next day. This has really been a game changer. Tomorrow I'm supposed to run for 4 months.

   When I see rich, snooty looking women at the grocery store, I pretend I need something and say, "Excuse me, do you work here?" just to help keep things real 🤣

   The only thing worse than your girlfriend sending you a text to "break up" is her sending another text saying, "Sorry, that wasn't for you".

   They said iv got ADHD and it's the most ............ Hey look a Squirrel

   Remember those days when people used to write diaries and got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything on Facebook and get mad when people don't read them.

   It's not snowing!

   Sometimes you just have to tell someone you can keep talking, but I'm going to hang up right now.