BigSarge Funny Status Messages
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Oh me? Just sitting around the office explaining Facebook to my Boss...... If anybody asks it's $49.99 to join & I discuss a lot of DIY projects in my status updates.
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11-16-2013 22:42 by BigSarge
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HD porn, because I like to read the serial number on your breast implants.
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11-20-2013 11:56 by BigSarge
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If I ever opened up a nail salon, I would definitely name it "Handjobs".
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11-25-2013 16:24 by BigSarge
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I ran to the liquor store minutes before it closed!! **crosses "Run Marathon" off of my bucket list**
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11-25-2013 21:15 by BigSarge
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I haven't spent a dime feeding my pet python since I found the "Free Kitten" section on "Craigslist".
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11-27-2013 01:57 by BigSarge
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Single mothers must make the toughest decisions every day...... Decisions like "Which of my children's toys is giving up its batteries for mommy's toy?"
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11-29-2013 01:53 by BigSarge
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Sometimes, at the end, I press the "Add 30 Sec" button on the microwave just to show "Swanson's" who's REALLY in charge up in this MoFo!!
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12-06-2013 22:27 by BigSarge
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Got banned from bookstore AGAIN this weekend for moving "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign to the erotic aisle.
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12-22-2013 10:58 by BigSarge
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Horseradish sauce is my favorite condiment named after mustang spooge.
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12-28-2013 16:02 by BigSarge
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Look UPS chick, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to always have their pants on, and not to be covered in Baby Oil!!
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01-02-2014 23:27 by BigSarge
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My friend is REALLY pi$sed!! He had a vasectomy last year and found out the hard way it doesn't always work..... And apparently it can make your baby black.
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01-05-2014 02:58 by BigSarge
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Now why would I possibly want to "Follow" your Spanish only speaking Twitter account? Oh look at that, Ginormous huge ti tty selfies? *Now FOLLOWING Tetas Gigantescas
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01-16-2014 02:46 by BigSarge
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My cat just jumped down from on top of the counter onto my laptop on the desk, opening David Bowie "Heroes" on iTunes. And now he's the coolest person I know.
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01-16-2014 02:55 by BigSarge
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Men, if you had your choice between brains or b0obs, which cup size do you prefer?
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03-04-2014 21:35 by BigSarge
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Maybe Obama should have pitched Obamacare on Shark Tank?
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03-20-2014 22:15 by BigSarge
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BREAKING NEWS: Vladimir Putin moves two Boy Scout Troops to the Russian/Polish boarder. France surrendered
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03-25-2014 22:13 by BigSarge
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I have decided my next ex-wife will be Scottish so when she calls me a worthless fucker it will be in that adorable wee accent.
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08-03-2014 14:03 by BigSarge
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I wonder what my dogs named me?
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11-18-2014 18:26 by BigSarge
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Kids: Never tell a stranger where you live. Give them your neighbor's address and watch what happens.
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11-25-2014 18:35 by BigSarge
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DAMN!! Obamaphones sure are getting one serious workout these last two nights in Ferguson!!
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11-25-2014 18:36 by BigSarge
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