JOser Funny Status Messages

   not bitter. I'm just unsweetened...

   thinks rock is dead. And paper killed it!

   I think video games ruined my life. Good thing I have two extra lives...

   thinks movies are ruining books since 1920.

   loves nerds 2² ever...

   Your dependence on oxygen is where our similarities end...

   I'm picturing you naked right now. Airbrushed, Photoshopped and digitally enhanced, but totally naked...

   30 minutes? I want to hear that from the pizza. Put the pizza on the phone!

   FYI: If someone says "I'm game," you can legally shoot them. You should probably check your state and local hunting regulations though...

   I don't even know how to spell anymore. I type the 1st half of the word and wait for auto correct to do the rest.

   Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.

   Semi-colons don't get enough credit. They should be re-branded as super-commas...

   I told you officer, I cut the a** out of the gorilla suit because they don't sell baboon costumes. No, I don't know who crapped on your car.

   If crime doesn't pay... Does that mean my job is a crime?

   Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

   If this soo called God dwells inside of us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.

   tried to join a Tourette's support group but they told me to piss off.

   My gf says I never listen to her (or something like that)

   working, and having short Facebook breaks... but is now on Facebook with short work breaks... much more fun!

   I have a six pack which I wanna show off at the beach this summer it was too blady long in the fridge.