Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if I had a kid that was a Belieber I'd lock them in a room with the White Album playing until they snapped out of it

   Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!

   The IRS is in trouble for using $60,000 of taxpayer money to produce training video spoofs of "Star Trek" and "Gilligan's Island". I find that, "HIGHLY ILLOGICAL...." (Spock's voice) "....SKIPPPPEEERRRRR!!!!!" (Gilligan's voice)

   When someone breaks your heart.... let God put the pieces together.

   I think I've fallen in hate with you.

   if a person keeps on thinkin of deletin his/her fb account ,, cn it be concidered as suicidal tendency

   Baby, why would you pay $99 for a bra at Victoria's Secret when I can hold your ( . ) ( . ) all day for free.

   Thanks, Michael Douglas, for ruining the ONLY time I'm not worrying about cancer.

   While reciting the alphabet, we all turn into rappers when we get to L M N O P. That's the gangsta part.

   Never ask a kid what an "encyclopedia" is or was, bc they'll just try and Google an STD.

   "I'd LOVE to lick your mackerel but I CAN'T! Michael Douglas says it'll give me throat cancer!"

   One step forward for cancer research, two steps back for women getting men to go down on them. Thanks, Michael Douglas

   A friend that steals your tortilla chips is, Nacho friend.

   I'm pretty stoked about June. I've got Amanda Bynes in the celebrity dead pool!!

   HD p orn is so clear that you can actually see how disappointed their parents are.

   According to the BMI chart I am too short.

   Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.

   It's smart how Freddy Krueger never attacked a community college. He knew he couldn't hurt or kill people whose dreams have already died.

   If we all became nudists there would be no laundry.

   Instead of wanting more, be happy with what you've got. Except you tiny p en*s guy, you should probably master oral.