Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   OMN - (Oh My Nothing) Atheist text acronym

   I wonder if the 3rd world countries have put in their 2013 Pittsburgh Penguins Stanley Cup Champions yet!

   God put a woman in the bible and she ruined the whole book in the first chapter

   Man put God in the mind and he ruined the whole brain since the first millenium.

   I swear they have a prescription drug for everything. "Hey...do you go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning? Then take this useless pill so you can die and the doctors & lawyers can take your family's money."....Nice evil scheme guys.

   Black p eople weren’t good at SIMS cus they were unfamiliar with the “raise a family/feed a dog” lifestyle that’s why they created GTA.

   I don't know why my grandmother has a Facebook cause all her friends are Dead

   I just texted my ex "God Bless You" cause I seen her sneeze through my Binoculars

   Don't look down and be depressed. Look up and you will be blessed.

   If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?....

   Dear people who think its cool to flip off the camera when getting their pics taken; Why are you so mad? Did someone sodomise you as a kid?

   I know it's your birthday and all but the Star bucks gift card aint happening!!

   I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I've taken today's gummy vitamins.

   I've been around the block a few times. I forgot where I live.

   Sometimes if I'm alone at night I have this horrible fear that a murderous stranger will break in wearing like, the exact same outfit as me.

   My new nickname at work should be "Laxative" cause I make sh*t happen.

   The mosquito's are requesting a human sacrifice, please send help.

   You know you're lazy when you have a one bedroom apartment and still want to hire a cleaning lady.

   I have been looking since 1986, and I still haven't found a highway to a danger zone.

   Would like to take all of the warning labels off everything toxic and weed out the stupid people