Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I dont know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future....

   A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along

   "Trust Me When I say Anyone can DANCE!!!!!" - Jack Daniels

   Lil' Wayne Lost his Mountain Dew endorsement over "creative differences" for his Emmett Till reference in his song called "Karate Chop (remix)" ... Now remember, silence is foolish if we are wise, but wise if we are foolish.

   went to a carnival trying to win an X-box Kinect and the next thing he knew , he'd lost his entire life savings and all he had to show for it was a giant banana with dreadlocks.

   MAY the FOURTH be with you

   Some people are just meant to be a loan.

   Today I wish a Happy Easter to my Greek Orthodox and Russian friends. Your ancestors really sucked at reading the calendar.

   Kentucky Derby: Look...if I wanna get all worked up about two pseudo-exciting minutes...I'll go have sex.

   missing the days when he talked in third person...

   admit it. We ALL got a little Gary Busey inside us...

   Facebook: a place when you even write your suicide note, you'll get likes.

   Dear NBC Sports, the black jockey is from the Virgin Islands. Stop calling him an African American...

   Psychology: the search for selfunderstanding through the study of others.

   Real men don't wear pink,,,,,,,,,,,they eat it.

   My dad carries pictures of me and my brother where his money used to be.

   2 girls and 1 guy, 0 self respect

   a lot of women stick their cell phone in their bra now days....i guess that makes it an "over the shoulder phone holder"

   Relationships are all about finding someone that notices all of your faults and reminds you about them daily.

   Conversations that start with "Don't get mad" seldom end that way.