Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."

   What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

   Frnd : did you watch Barcelona v/s Bayern... ME : No.. I don't like to watch p orn !!!

   women stay in shape so they can be trophy wife milfs

   Not sure if my bed is calling me or if its the girl I left handcuffed all day

   I ain't talking about Floyd when I say I love May weather.

   Im not saying dont trust the internet, I'm just saying that there is a huge discrepancy in the number of Ipads I won verse the number of Ipads I actually own

   In the same way I don't wanna know if my neighbor likes being a Chinese finger cuff , I don't wanna know if you are Gay. I don't really want to know anyone's sexual preferences. Who CARES if you are straight Gay or Bi? Keep it to yourself and your partn

   When asked if I'm a cat or dog person, I always reply. 'It depends,, what wine are you serving?'

   I bet it's confusing for gays with walk-in closets. You're in, you're out, you're in, you're out.

   I just read the "100 things to do before you die" list.... I'm kinda surprised that "call 911" didn't make the cut.

   Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.

   Sure, I'll attend your expensive pre-divorce ceremony

   When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?

   A Gary Busey can lose up to 30 000 teeth in its lifetime.

   Burned 800 calories jogging my memory today.

   My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it's there to stab potential taco thieves.

   If there's one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it's... "Goonies never say die!"

   FACT: any time someone tells you they're "about 20 minutes away" they're lying. They haven't left yet.

   CHINA vs INDIA - What a shaky situation for the United States. Who to side with. The Country who owns our mortgage and makes our stuff. Or the country who we handed all of our IT operations to.