Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   and in other sports news a WNBA player announces she is straight. #courage

   have you ever been so sure about something that you were unsure about how sure you were exactly. I'm sure I'm totally unsure about being positively sure to the point of not being positively sure about my integrity of sureness...

   Just cuz, I likkes one of your Pictures doesnt mean to come and inbox me stuppid assss questions like, "where are you these days?" , "Duh bitcch, on FB!!!"

   Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.

   when you're stressed, you eat Ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is Desserts.

   Somewhere, skeletons and secret gays are fighting over closet space...

   If you still have a Romney sticker on your car, I got news that may come as a bit of a surprise to some of you. He lost.

   i dont care if my teammates are straight or gay, as long as they dont listen to Nickelback...

   This status is dedicated to all the pretty girls and the ugly ones too cause to me your pretty anyway baby.

   Jason Collins needs a bubble bath

   Officer You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my cell phone.

   I coulda sworn Kobe came out of the closet years ago.

   A cat ran into the freeway and caused a pile up... Some how this was Obama's Fault - Fox News

   We get it, you're a proud lesbian. Nice haircut.

   My gym membership is just a fitted sheet.

   I don't use the self-checkout lane, but I am looking forward to the fill-your-own-prescription stations.

   I'm tired after a long day of getting out of bed.

   I'm too old to die young, so I have that going for me.

   The ironic part about killing time is that it's slowly killing you.

   There's always a window of opportunity in your room for improvement.