Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How many times do you need the same person to piss in your mouth before you figure out urine doesn’t taste good?

   How she gonna wake up and not love me no more? I thought I was the ass-hole in this relationship, I guess its rubbing off.

   March Madness??? Heck, I'm Crazy All Year!!!

   So what happened this morning, did Jesus see his shadow or not?

   imagine how hard life would be if we weren't water proof

   Today is another dsy where people get religious om Facebook but live like heathens most all the other time...

   war machines will cause the destruction of man. Not a comet. I wonder what the next species that inhabits the Earth will discuss while filling their vehicles with the fossil fuels derived from the remains of extinct humans.

   I've been writing bad Czechs, encouraging them to do better.

   "Today its Sunday" Forward this to 15 friends,.. within 7 days you"ll get another Sunday. it really works... One of my friends ignored it and he got Monday within 24 hours

   Most popular words spoken by a Pastor today..."Wow ...I haven't seen you since last Easter "

   HE HAS RISEN (and before 10 am which is pretty good for me)

   If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I'll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark

   when ur boss calls you while ur having surgery to ask a stupid f ucking question, he's clearly a J EW who's going to h ell

   Easter reminds me of how boring my death will probably be.

   Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.

   I feel bad for whoever has to explain the Harlem Shake to Jesus!

   Why can't someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?

   Are you a math problem because you are confusing me and making me cry

   Hoppy Easter Everybunny

   great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone's computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.