Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Eminem, Not only did yousteal our name but we're both black on theinside too. Sincerly, M&M'S

   I went to the library and asked for a book about small peni$es. The librarian said, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." "Yep, that's the one", I said.

   If anybodys looking for me i'll be in Southie lookin for Erin's Gold Bra. Happy St Patricks Day

   I know its St Patricks Day but...No green beer for me..I like my beer Yellow ..goin in and coming out!!!

   WWE: 2 people fighting over a belt even though neither of them is wearing pants.

   I'm going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I'm going to haunt grows everyday.

   Sometimes words are not enough. That's why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...

   There are no winners when corned beef and cabbage farts are involved.

   You're Now Aware That You Can't Say.. "IRISH WRISTWATCH"

   i hope my mom isn't making corned beef and cabbage today.. that stuff smells and tastes like sh*t

   By no stretch of the imagination do I consider myself to be a fashion plate of any kind, yet I do have the good sense to not have anything green in my wardrobe.

   "North Korea... I promise you boo boo, we will smack the sh*t out you" - Kevin Hart voice

   Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! The day when everybody gets together and pretends they're Irish. Except the Irish... they pretend they're sober.

   If you’re depressed and hate your life just remember you’re not alone. We all hate your life too.

   Irish I was drunk already ツ

   My doctor said, "This is going to sting a little," and then proceeded to say, "I've unfriended you on Facebook."

   What I lack in sleep, I make up for in blank stares.

   If I were a waiter & someone was rude to me, I wouldn't touch their food. I'm an adult. I'd hide in the back seat of their car with a knife.

   Not to alarm anyone but I just saw a flying pig. It was in a helicopter but I couldn't figure out which one of the Kardashians was it.

   It's perfectly OK to pretend that you're Irish on St. Patrick's Day. You pretend you're good on Christmas, don't you?