Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So is Taylor Swift's perfume made from her actual tears?

   If you cant afford a kid, then shut your legs.

   The couple that laughs together, stays together. If that's not a pro-weed slogan then nothing is.

   All the people with barbwire tattoos should join together and form a border wall between US and Mexico

   If you can't handle me at my un-shaved, you don't deserve me at my waxed.

   Benedict XVI won't even be able to sell his hat on eBay. He's closed his papal account...

   I have abad feeling we're going to pay for Taylor Swift's poor Grammy results...

   Benedict XVI won't even be able to flog his hat on ebay. He's closed his papal account....

   be careful what you buy on Craigslist. I just bought front row seats to the Dookie Brothers concert...

   Arkansas just passed a law allowing guns in church. Now I have to come up with another excuse...

   Be the sun that burns everyday and still rises everyday to give light to others.

   Arkansas just passed a law allowing people to caring guns in church. If you need a gun in church, I don't even want to hear what you believe in for a God.

   Personally,,,,,, I'm giving up my belly button and the space between my toes..... For lint

   Dear Vatican, Two words: POPRAH WINFREY.....think about it.

   "I'll retire when Whitney Houston stays sober for a year" - Pope Benedict XVI, 2012.

   I guess we know what the Pope is giving up for lent...being the Pope...

   I just saw pictures of my neighbor's 30 year high school reunion....Don't marry your high school sweetheart!!!

   I bet it's called "getting some strange" because you can get strange!

   The Pope is resigning, citing family reasons. He wants to spend more time with the kids.

   fights so dirty, he has never had makeup sex. It usually violates the restraining order.