Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There are no stupid questions just inquisitive idiots.

   LADIES: If your father is a poor man, it is your fate... But if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity!

   would imagine there really isn't any market for sea shells down by the sea shore considering the abundance of free sea shells.

   always place women on high pedestals, it helps you look up their skirts better.

   believing Monday will be great is half the bottle...

   What if the power had gone out during some of those corporate sponsored college bowls: Little Caesars Bowl: "No difference...still horrible pizza."

   Life Fact #37: it's impossible to have a bad day when you're wearing 'Hello Kitty' underpants ツ

   Finished your 40 minutes on the treadmill, 30 on the elliptical, 20 minute cardio? Yeah? Now go read a book, dumbbell.

   Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.

   Monsters Inc 2 is coming out in 2013 move out of the way kids, I've been waiting 10 f-king years for this.

   The only footsteps I would follow are those of a landmine deactivation technician...

   PSY does the gangnam style dance so much...don't you think he should've lost some weight by now?

   PSY will be having a concert in the Philippines... WTF!! is he gonna sing Gangnam Style for 2 hours???

   If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.

   Been watching these 2 black guys shake hands for the past 28 minutes.

   this girl I'm seeing on the side must think I'm a weatherman 'cause she keeps asking if the coast is clear...

   its hard to get stoked about a soccer game that's 3 hours long and ends 1-1...

   I'd kill for a microwave that plays Europe's “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.

   Keep calm and reject all Chefville invites

   not single; is just waiting for his girlfriend to quit playing hide and seek.