Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   For being clones of a supposed badass, Stormtroopers can't aim worth a crap.

   I use to wonder what'd it be like to read other people's minds....I got Facebook and now I am over it!!

   bulletproof vest on my chest so I can't get shot by cupid

   Ya know... statisically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't Happy...

   old woman is having breakfast with elderly husband when she says 'LET'S GO UPSTAIRS AND HAVE SEX" he replies "PICK ONE,I CAN'T DO BOTH"

   i found a sexy person who I love very much.... it's a shame i'm not allowed to marry myself

   never bet on a horse named (TRIPOD)

   I am just one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

   Remember, when booking a cruise its not which cruise ship to go on, its which 3rd world country you would like to go to.

   gonna have a zoo in my backyard so I'm never lonely

   It pains me when I look on one side of the world and see people with nothing to eat and starving to death and on the other side I see selfish people eating more than their bodies require and die from obesity-related complications.

   My level of lazy is that I don't think house arrest would be that bad.

   What's it called when you can't commit to a girl for more than a month but you've been using the same brand toothpaste for 15 years?

   I have 4 missed calls from my mom. A rescue team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting in my underwear on my couch eating cheetos any minute now.

   Your bedazzled iphone lets me know the music in it sucks.

   What I know about you has earned my attention. What I don't know about you is what makes you interesting.

   Does Facebook have a "You're not smart enough to be talking about politics" button?

   Girls just wanna have funds

   Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn't sing it out loud in public.

   G0D has granted me the Midas Touch. So far today, everything I've touched has turned to gold. Wha? Oh. Heh heh. No more Cheetos for breakfast.