Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I'll tell you more.

   It is already December 21, 2012 in Australia and nothing happened.

   Right now there is a mayan somewhere out there yelling "SIKE"

   The best part about shopping at Wal-Mart is getting the whole soap/personal care section all to yourself.

   My American friends take a moment to "g00gle" "idlenomore" your Canadian neighbours are starting a revolution one tweet at a time...

   The world is ending tomorrow & we still don't know who let the dogs out, what is love, & Where's Waldo ,or Victoria's secret

   My generation should be on Survivor!! This will be the 54th "end of the world" we have endured!! The Tribe has spoken....We are badas$$!

   Just checking if anyone on the other side of the planet has been blown up yet? Maybe been hit by a flaming meteorite? Mayan zombie hordes roaming the streets? Nope? Just want to know if I have to set my alarm to get up for work tomorrow...cheers

   Armageddon's all around us, the Mayans say prepare to fight. So if I gotta die I'm gonna listen to my body tonight. They say two thousand-one-two party over, protect yourself...so tonight I'm gonna party like it's two thousand and twelve.

   I found out two interesting things last night: 1. Sometimes bowel movements float. 2. My neighbours have bought a new hot tub.....

   Your bra is the biggest liar I know.

   A lot of people will disappoint you in life. Don't let any of them be you.

   Don't worry about the world ending later today... it's already tomorrow in Australia.

   Enough of the end of the world posts! Smh

   The Mayans calculated the sunrise over South America not Australia

   My stomach just Yelled at me ... Thru my Butthole ! Ouch !!

   I always give 110% at everything I do. Mostly because I'm not very aware of how percentages work. Math is hard.

   I hate it when I don't have someone to do in the morning.

   Problems in your relationship? There's a blow job for that.

   Walmart. The only place in America where you can buy shrimp and underwear in the same store.