Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   WARNING! if you get a mail where it says "go to hell", DON'T do it!! It's a fake mail! It's really hot down there and people are pissed

   I bet an air freshener that smells like stale cigarette smoke would last forever.

   Hey Gen. Petraeus, look on the bright side. At least she was prettier than Monica Lewinski, Rielle Hunter and Schwarzenegger's maid combined...

   Day,.....whatever...i am thankful for Mexican food,adult diapers, internet porn, and Kleenex

   Jeez. There is no reason to tailgate me in the SLOW LANE. Especially when I'm doing 20 kph over the limit anyways. And those stupid ricer flashing red and blue lights on your roof make you look ridiculous.

   Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! Proof that even chickens believe in an afterlife.

   Just put pop rocks in the kitty litter!

   One man's hoe is probably another man's hoe too.

   CORRECTION: "Who are we?" "Men!" "What do we want?" "s3x!" "When do we want it?" "24/7/365!"

   After today's news I can never look at Tickle Me Elmo the same way again.

   checking her list...lots of naughty this year!!

   I took a nap... Well, actually I was jumping on the bed and the ceiling fan knocked me unconscious,,,,,,,,,,,,,, But still

   Point.. Wink.. Shoot finger gun.. Blow smoke from tip of finger gun.. Wipe prints off finger gun.. Bury finger gun where no one can find it.

   Black ops 2 comes out tomorrow!! \(T^T)/

   BREAKING NEWS: Geologists locate mountain high enough... Valley low enough still elusive...

   Show me on this Elmo doll where the bad man touched you...

   If Elmo is a kid toucher I'd hate to think what goes on down in Oscar's trash can

   Yes, Yes, YES! Not entirely sure what a "propriate" is, but apparently I'm in it...

   Day 1. I am thankful that I haven't fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.

   Too good to work fast food when you were young? Have you noticed that you are a loser now?