Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   what number do I text my ten votes to??

   China's "one-child per family" policy is being ended -- because not enough babies. Apparently it's so bad over there that some factories are actually hiring adults...

   Jokingly told this girl on our first date last night that I had a realy big D and she responded no problem i've had plenty of Big Ones before ! And now I'm sad ! :o( Fail

   If your an undecided voter, just vote for the one you feel wouldn't mug you in a dark alley.

   Some family is never more than just blood.

   If you're not sweating, you're not doing it right

   I wish I would have never got that loan from western sky the Indian Loan company.! Aside from high interest I'm on some goofy mailing List I keep getting things for " new siding for your Teepee " or "feather's R Us" worst is the arrows when I miss a pymnt

   My brother just told me a vote for Romney is a vote for separation of church and state.

   If I can still smell you on me in the morning, you did good.

   After spending 45 minutes eavesdropping on a crazy girl giving advice to another crazy girl, I really don't know how we're not extinct yet.

   If Obama was really Kenyan he would have won the race by now.

   Yoga pants make things hard on me.

   Tomorrow you'll be able to stop hating people for their political views and go back to hating them for their personality!

   Got into an argument with the ex-wife the other day over her boyfriend helping my son with his 1st grade reading assignment when he was visiting them. I told her I thought my sons reading assignment was beyond her boyfriends comprehension……………â

   My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.

   Regardless of the results of today's election, I think we can all agree Ann Coulter will say something really stupid about it.

   Why no, stranger, I CAN'T believe how early it gets dark now despite the fact this phenomena has occurred every single year of my existence.

   after today the rest of the world will get "FOUR MORE YEARS!" without having to hear about the US election.

   Ive waited in line an entire hour to vote, Ended up voting for some guy named Master Chief.

   I voted for the guy with the least amount of cartlage in his left knee...