Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "My imaginary friend is better than yours!" ~ religion.

   Snooki has her baby, and Mike Tyson takes a crap.. Scientists are baffled by the amazing similiarities of both results..

   The birth of Snooki's baby was rudely interrupted by Kanye West. He loudly claimed that " Willy Wonka made the best Oompa Loompas ever!"

   Snooki has her baby! In other news, Willy Wonka said to be on a secret rescue mission of a newborn Oompa loompa...

   I know what you did for a Klondike bar, and you are gross.

   Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it's like a high-five for your feet.

   Memo to New Orleans: You can't turn the Superdome into a sewer this time., emergency shelter will be at Tom Benson's house....

   Im on my FACEBREAK!!!! - definition - a week break from FACEBOOK

   If Hurricane Isaac hits Louisiana and costs us a dime of our Federal tax money....it's time we sell this b@tch back to France!!

   OK, New Orleans, time for your seven year washing!!

   You never want to hear "Is that where you're supposed to poop?!" yelled by an adult from across the house. Especially not on shrimp scampi night.

   Come to think of it... I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

   During a breakup, women need tissues for tears... men also need tissues, but for a different reason.

   Pandora: *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* runs out of skips.. *changes station*

   In 1969, nearly 600 million people tuned in to watch Neil Armstrong walk on the moon. Now we have 'The Bachelorette'.

   Sometimes I wish I could be one of my friends for 1 day, to see how it is to hang out with me..

   I wish there was a rewind button in life.

   You can stop lifting weights now; it's actually your personality that nobody likes.

   Food stamps are the new “Hey, I finished SOME community college.”

   If you think you're having a bad day.. just remember, somebody is going to have Snooki as a mom