Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.!!

   ready to post something, anything on page 3000

   ghetto word of the day dictate ......that hoe say my dictate good

   In this lifetime you either win the Triple Crown or you get tendinitis. You can't have both.

   The only honest people in the world are small children and drunk people!

   The further you stay from me the longer it takes me to reply to your text.

   when I get on facebook I get excited when I see the red numbrs over the globe thing until I open it and find it is for a stupid game request.

   the sun does not rise, it stays still. it's the earth spinning that makes it seem like it moves silly people.

   Cop cars should play the jaws theme song

   Females be killing me with that Trey Songz is my Baby Daddy! ...B1TCH that n1gga don't even know you exist, shut cho lonely @ss up!

   They need a Show called Bait Coochie.. Have a Chick laying there Butt-Naked and see if N1ggas walk up & try to stick it in!

   This B1tch got "SNGL MOM" on her License Plates.. Basically she just gave up on Love all together!

   Its a Stripper on Stage with a Hospital Bracelet on! This B1tch discharged herself to come make it Clap Tonite!

   fired up for another beautiful earth spin into darkness! Who's with me??

   I'd love to make money at home in my spare time. But counterfeiting is harder than you'd think.

   14-year old Becky writes "Stop wars" as her Facebook status. It gets nine "likes", all from world leaders. Peace reigns forever. She did it.

   Am I the only one that doesn't get that "2 iPhones walk in a bar" joke?

   A perfect relationship is one which the only thing you fight about is who gets to hold the camera when you're fvcking...

   I used to have faith in humanity...then I stepped into Wal-Mart.

   I've never smoked Hookah, but I've been told it tastes exactly like not getting laid.