Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Roses are red; foxes are clever. I love your butt; let me touch it forever.

   When god created china he knew he would never have to make anything else again.....

   "I" before "e" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm

   The stuff you do while you're procrastinating is what you should be doing for the rest of your life.

   Dear Lord; If my happiness bothers some people, please give them their own happiness so they wont bother hating on mine.

   "I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 40, is that bad?" ''You spelled dad wrong."

   I'm moving to Antarctica, where there's no bullsh!t. Just penguins.

   "It's suddenly hot in here!" "Sorry, Should I leave?!"

   Now that people are posting what Organ donors they are on FB, I am going to friend all the Liver Donors..- Good to keep drinking:)

   The most common phrase in China: "Hey! You look familiar!"

   The problem with all these Ivy League MBAs is they have learned to treat consumers as statisics and forgotten how to treat customers as people.

   My Dr told me I might have that new Chinese disease...Its called Dragon Ass

   I have friends that my mom hates. I love those friends the most.

   It's important to have goals in life. When you want to get something accomplished, the majority of your energy should be focused on accomplishing that goal. That's why everything I do is about trying to get laid.

   Just read an article about an invasive species of shrimp in U.S. waters that are up to 13 inches in length and weigh up to a 1/4 pound............................................... Give me some c0cktail sauce and I will personally do what I can to help.

   I have friends that my wife hates. I love those friends the most.

   Change is the necessary ingredient for all advancement, and yet it is something that very few can accept without a fight..! (",)

   before getting married there are 2 words a man must know that are crucial to his survival....."Yes Dear"........

   The Gaga Law: (RAH)^2 (AH)^3 + RO(MA+MAA) + (GA)^2+OOH(LA)^2 = BAD ROMANCE

   the world is made of 2 types. Men and crazy people.