Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm so crazy I'm thinking about springing forward right now....see you in an hour!

   Junk- something you keep for years so you can throw it away three weeks before you need it.

   You can keep your love, your trust is what attracts me.

   Daylight Savings Time doesn't officially start until 2am... but don't worry about trying to remember to set your clocks... I will be calling everybody then to remind you...

   was gonna donate blood until the lady got all personal and started asking "who's blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"

   Anyone else got that one drawer they wish they never opened?

   Gas prices are about $3.95 a gallon and females still think guys are coming over to just "CHILL"

   HOW LONG IS THIS DORITOS COMMERCIAL!? Grandma, that's just Jersey Shore...

   A teacher, once said, that, I overused commas. What she didn't understand, at all, was that I was writing, like Christopher Walken speaks.

   the only "kony" I'm supporting is the one that goes in my mouth.

   Yea, I end a Facebook conversation by hitting the (LIKE) button on the last comment.

   LIKE IF you put things in a safe place and then forget where the safe place is.

   Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.

   “They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.

   Three things that shouldn't be broken : friendships, hearts and promises.

   “LOL” is the new way of saying “I really have nothing to say.”

   Odds are there is someone who is your “Facebook Friend” that you absolutely cannot stand and the only reason you keep them on your list is to watch their slow untimely demise.

   LIKE if you text someone a paragraph and then 30 minutes later you get a lame reply saying “LOL”.

   If steroids are illegal for athletes, shouldn't Photoshop be illegal models?

   You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?