Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I really thought my missus was joking when she said Davy Jones had died. Then I saw her face......... now I'm a believer.......

   It's a scientific fact that my shower will always amplify my fart's sound and smell.

   if they remove your Gallbladder, and the meds from the Doctor makes you constipated, two McDonalds fish sandwiches will solve the poblem in under 30 minutes. . .

   Marsha Brady is gonna freak when she finds out that Davy Jones died

   I wld rather staple my eyelids to my a☆☆hole...than have to listen to you talk about your bullsh☆t problems! ツ

   If you wouldn't make her your wife.. Don't make her a mother!

   so much for MONKEEing around ,R.I.P. Davey Jones. Cheer up Sleepy Jean. He took the last train to Clarksville ......and now I'm a bereaver

   I'll never understand dentists. They stab you with little metal hooks and then tell you "Your gums wouldn't bleed if you flossed more".

   Boobs are to men what Fisher-Price stacking rings are to babies. They feel good, are fun to play with, and always wind up in the mouth.

   Since it's a Leap Day and also a Hump Day.....I wish Obama would take a flying Leap up a camels ass so far he hit's the Hump!

   Well, just got home from work.....it seems davey jones died....at first I didn't believe it....but then I saw his face, and now I'm a believer. O_o

   For a day that doesn't exist, I sure got a lot done.

   Sweet, it's snowing again. I can hardly wait to read 500 status updates on my news feed about it

   Why take Davy Jones?? Peter Tork would have been a much better Monkee choice.

   I've done more today than I've done in 4 years.

   Today is worse than the day my brothers broke my nose with their stupid football. RIP Davy- Marsha B

   happy birthday to all those born today in 1928...celebrating their 21st birthday

   I wonder what would Meat Loaf do for a Klondike Bar?

   Beatlejuice. Beatlejuice. Beatlejuice........ Well, that was a bunch of BS!

   When starting an IV on a patient do NOT refer to the big IV needles as lawn darts.