Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ok All right who pushed the damn buffalo wild wing button.......during this race ???

   I can see the newest Jimmy Johns commercial now. Dale Jr. having a sandwich delivered while standing on the track waiting to go back racing.

   Watching the Daytona 500 is worse than watching paint dry... Hmmm... On second note, maybe I just need some more Bud Light?

   How many NASCAR drivers does it take to destroy a jet dryer?? Juan

   Go Daddy, more like Crash Daddy!

   your teeth are so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter

   Wait, hang on Fox... you finally resume racing after lonnnng delay, and a few laps in we get a commercial break?

   The FOX announcers are talking dirty...Drying Up the Wet Spots...LOL!

   Angelina Jolie needs to take some time off her busy schedule of feeding the hungry and poor in third world countries and feed herself for a change.

   if another women steals your man. There is no better revenge, then letting her keep him. A REAL MAN can't be stolen!

   Never fall asleep around potheads...I woke up and had a forehead drawn on my peter...

   Jigsaw - someone who when there is a problem goes to pieces :)...

   I only live for two reasons: 1. I was born 2. I ain't dead yet

   stayed up that late to watch douche bags get 123 at daytona... Terrible!

   If you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.

   brad pitt and angelina jolie's kids must have lips like airbags

   sad the government decided that I can't buy steaks with lotsa fat on the edges.

   thinks rescue workers are secretly happy when people who don't wear seatbelts are 'thrown clear' from the accident

   js pissed that the other site steals our status's cuz now our secret spot is violated and 'everyone' on FB might be as funny as me

   wonders if famous comedians ever steal my original funny thoughts....aaaaahhhhhhhh.. at least pay me