Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you'll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward

   My G/F said for Valentine's Day I needed to be more affectionate...so I got 2 Girlfriends! ;)

   Why I walk funny: 10% I'm injured 90% Trying to unstick my balls from my leg.

   I love you in Blue...I love you in Red...But most of all...I love you in....Blue

   You know, many people have an artificial Christmas tree so they can use it year after year to save money. Why not do the same thing with roses on Valentine's Day. You can leave them up until Easter- maybe hang some Hershey's Kisses on them. Quite festive.

   very upset!!! I had Lindsey in the Celebrity Death Pool at work.

   Got a feeling that somebody is gonna get BANGED more times than a ketchup bottle tonight!!

   looks like it's me and Pamela Handerson again this Valentine's Day...

   Tomorrow's going to be great.....Discount candy.

   dont worry if you find yourself alone on Valentines Day...its not the end of the World...thats still 10 months away

   I was grateful for the fact that Facebook now groups similar posts (i.e. "10 of your friends posted about Valentine's Day"), so I can just skip past them. Unfortunately, I have friends that can't spell 'Valentine'. LOL

   It's Valentine's day. Tell us about how lonely you are, we all care so much!

   You don't have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up

   I don't know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentines Day. When I think of romance,the last thing I think of is a short,chubby child coming at me with a weapon.

   My inflate a date wasnt so bad....I didnt have to cuddle.

   nothing says "I put absolutely no thought into this" than a dozen roses on Valentine's Day.

   Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons

   February 15th. The Black Friday for Chocoholics.

   Yesterday for valentine's day I got six numbers, one more and I'd have a complete phone number... Maybe next year.

   Get ready for a repeat of Michael Jackson's case ... Investigators are trying to go after the doctors who wrote Whitney Houston's prescriptions....