Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When anyone says to me "I need to talk to you", every bad thing I've ever done in my life flashes before my eyes

   Happy Mushy-Card-Nasty-Candy-in-a-Heart-Shaped-Box-Big-Balloon-That-Barely-Fits-in-Your-Car-And-You-Can't-See-to-Back-Up-$75-Rose s-That-Can-be-Bought-Tomorrow-for-$20-but-Must-be-Sent-to-"Prove"-Your-Love-Stand-In-Line-for-Two-Hours-to-Eat Day!! <HATE

   Oh I wanna dance with somebody I wanna feel the heat with somebody Yeah I wanna dance with somebody With some bipolar nut job that loves me!

   I'd like to spend my Valentine's with the girl of my dreams… But she's gone by the time I'm awake…

   Sorry V̶a̶l̶e̶n̶t̶i̶n̶e̶sD̶a̶y̶. It's Champions League Time!

   Its not the chocolate or the flowers, it's how you put a smile on my face that makes today all worthwhile

   My wife's going to be happy with tonight's planned tv. There's going to be balls moving all the screen. Champions League starts again tonight

   Taking my wife to see the Muppets tonight. I hope her mum cooks something I like this time

   My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine's Day! So I got drunk...

   Just to be different, I'm going to cry about being single on the 4th of July, and celebrate Valentine's Day with explosives.

   you know...."Manuscript" is probably the classiest place to hide the word "anus"....

   you know....I'm still waiting on the "Once you go black, you'll never go back" episode of Mythbusters....

   "I used to love her, but I had to kill her" ~~ Guns & Roses celebrating Valentines alone, probably....

   To show you all how much I care...this Valentines's I've randomly scattered bouquets of flowers around local cemetaries for you to find...Happy Valentines Day!...

   St. Valentine was actually beaten, stoned, and then eventually beheaded...they don't tell you that on the cards.

   Dear people posting pics of things they got for Valentine's Day: Please stop it! Spare us the cheesiness and keep that sh!t to yourself. Sincerely, Single People

   he drew a flower on the ky intense box.....sigh, ...i love him

   Nothing beats breaking up with someone on Valentine's Day or their birthday.

   hey single people..tomorrow is officially 'rebound day' after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in 'epic fail:

   Given that St. Valentine was a 3rd century Roman Priest who was stoned and beheaded, wouldn't a more appropriate celebration of the evening be taking one's steady gal to witness a brutal murder?