Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   so....unfortunately....I put the "tiny" in "Is it in yet?" :(

   This Unicorn soup is freaking delicious! ~~ Noah, probably

   I think these cold pills are just making the snot mad.

   Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its only 30% full? Well that's how guys feel about push-up bras

   Most females think they can change a player, but the truth is it's not the player that needs to change, its the girl, because every player is on a mission to find that one female which makes him lose his desire to play.

   "I`M BATMAN" -Batman

   "never on schedule, but always on time." via Retro Status Generator

   Valentine's Day: Dinner for two - $80, Dessert - $20, Flowers - $50, Gold Necklace - $250, Bottle of French Champagne - $100, Godiva Strawberry Chocolates - $60… Look on his face after she says - “I'm on a period…” PRICELESS!!!

   Breaking news: Gary Glitter has applied for the England manager's job after hearing that two of the players are Young and Bent.....

   When people with lisps say "Bithneth"......you KNOW they mean business.

   Dear ex, you remind me of my dirty laundry because I didn't like doing you.

   Louis Vuitton's selling $68 condoms? Fine by me. Anyone idiotic enough to spend that much money on a condom probably shouldn't breed.

   If you buy clothes that everyone is buying, your trying way to hard to fit in and be cool.. Buy stuff that you think is cool, if you follow trends your a f*****g poser!

   pics of food?? really.. ??? facebook or menubook

   hey, lets take a picture of our f#kin dinner and put it on facebook so the whole world can not give a sh!t

   I want a reinvented baby time machine...where can I buy one?

   “stalker” is such a harsh word.. I prefer “valentine”

   WIl you be my Valentine for an hour or so?

   save your dinner pics for match . com not facebook, maybe you can score a fat date...loser

   thanks facebook. now I can get a pic of candy instead of somethin I can actually f#kin eat!